My heart is full...brimming with love.

A trip to the mountains and a chance to sit on the shores of the Lake that I so love as well as watching a sunset from the top of Heavenly...it charged my battery...so to speak.

I am constantly amazed by life right now. Every where I turn there is sooo much beauty. I was with a friend in my studio today and he pointed out the lovely view of the parking lot and I laughed because I never notice it...

Then I said here lay down on the floor and all you will see is beautiful sky and green trees. Then during class as my clients were settling in for final Shavasana I looked up and noticed the sun was setting and creating an alpen glow effect...I feel so blessed. Soo much beauty.

I am not quite sure what will happen from day to day but what I do know is I will be okay. This has created some sweet moments in the past week for which I am grateful. (thank you)

Humbled...

Where does one begin when one is quite confounded...maybe one should check in with their ego and have a chat or two.

I found myself recently back in an unexpected place with an unexpected person who not only delights me but also confounds me. I watched as each moment unfolded...stunned once again by the beauty of this sweet soul that I believe I love more than any other.

Then as with some love stories it was like a screech of the record when flow stopped and reality set in. I found myself lost in myself...lost in the most intense emotions...I felt like I was in a ocean and I was barely keeping my head above water. Each day, as I laid down to recoup, I would celebrate making it through another day.

Then came the storm which drove me as far away from Self as it could and then back. Then I saw it...my ego...the desire at the root. One of my good friends said...ah you are clearing a desire; those are the most painful.

I was shocked to see what I saw. First some strange tale I tell myself about not being good enough. (I thought I was done with that) Second, as a result of my desire, my ego was busy manipulating away...manipulating me...trying to manipulate others. Not such a pretty sight to see.

I was quite disgusted with myself...which is giving way to a more gentle acceptance and forgiveness. I pray for grace. It is definitely humbling to see the ego at work and the ways in which it still controls me even after all the travelling I have done...cheers to progression. Waiting for the brick wall to soften and to truly stand in the bliss of my true self.

The Sweetness in all things...

My journey to and back from LA offered so many opportunities to look at my Self, my life circumstance, and allowed me to rest in a place that I never fathomed existed.

I moved to LA full of hope and love...love for life...my teacher Amma...Carlitos...and being alive. I was hopeful of sharing Svaroopa Yoga with LA and deciding if I would ever re-enter the high school classroom. I did not know what my future held...I like to say I had no expectations but I did and I never thought it would end or begin again the way it did.

The last week in LA, I was out grocery shopping--a normal part of my routine--however it was the last time I would shop for my sweet little household. It started to dawn on me that Carlos and I were going separate ways and my inner state surprised me to say the least.

I was full of love; I remember looking at the clouds illuminated by the sunlight and I asked myself where is all this love coming from...who are you in love with? The resounding answer...I am in love with this life...with myself...with Shiva. (enter preferred deities name here)

As I packed and continue to prepare meals and do laundry that last week I was adsorbed in love. Mind you while facing the possibility of the dreaded word--cancer. At the time, I thought thank you Amma for taking care of me in this time of great need.

But, it never stopped...granted I still have moments of saddness, or frustration, or anger but my predominate state is pure bliss...a love so delightful that it sustains me through every task I undertake.

My perspective on things and my attachments to people and things have certainly changed. I still get upset but I always arrive at the same end spot...that person, that situation is so worthy of love and compassion. I cling less and count on others outside of myself less. I also have deeper connections to those who are close to me. There is an ease to my days and in my relationships.

There have been some unforeseen explosions in my life and although saddened by them I trust that I am no longer the driver of my course. I have learned that in each thing there is a time frame and when the time comes the time comes. Each time I have felt anxiety over a door closing I look to find new paths untravelled that didn't seem to be there before. This whole process has taught me to listen and to be present and know that always always I will always have Shiva...always have the Self...always have all the love I could ever want right here within the tiny frame--my vehicle for this lifetime.

So, here I am back in Sacramento, back in the High School Classroom, back to health and wellness, very different but more the same and ever absorbed in love...that my friend is the sweetest nectar. Yet, I am still human and that is even sweeter yet.

In Peace and utterly in love, Parvati

Fall Freshness...

This is the time of year I love the most. I love how gentle the sun's rays caress my being and bath everything in a glow of amber. The rain creates a sense of freshness and washes away the intensity of summer.

As the leaves change, I feel compelled to withdraw inside and renew myself as the trees do when the drop their leaves. It is a definite time of introspection. I linger in bed longer these days as the sun isn't up when I get up and I long to just nestle in the warmness of my blankets. (smile)

The crisp air and the sound of rakes makes me want to dance a dance of celebration for the ending of one cycle and honoring death in all its beauty. As I know from death comes birth and awaking...

Dance, Dance, Dance,
Shiva bring me solace
in the beginning and the end
help me to see
what is so close yet so unforeseen
Dance, Dance, Dance,
Sweetest Shiva
bring me past my self to see my Self
Allow me just one caress upon the cheek
so I can dance alone until we meet.

The Cycle of Life

There is nothing like watching your beloved Grandmother cry like a child. Then you know you are now the adult and it is seriously time to grow up but don't get too serious. I sat in the hospital with my Gram this week while she was sedated and watched her attempt to curl up into the fetal position while she processed some long forgotten memory. As she wrestled with her consiousness I began to chant the Mahamrityunjaya Mantra in my head. After a few rounds she settled in and started to sleep more peacefully. It was an impulse I didn't even think about doing and was halfway thorough the mantra the first time before I realized what I was doing.

The next day I went back to see and she was coherent but still not the Gram I know and love. In her place I found a feeble woman. Feeble is not a word I would ever use to describe my very tall and regal grandmother. Even her feet appeared small as I slipped on booties to keep her warm. Three times in one half hour we had to tell her she was getting an MRI and that she was in Santa Rosa at Kaiser. As they prepared her to leave for the MRI her demeanor changed to that of a scared baby and I really wondered what would come next. I told her my dad would meet her when she came out in attempt to console her. No Luck, it made it worse. She wimpered and said, "I don't want anyone to bother". Oh my, even now I am overcome with emotions. I now see my grandmother very differently and recognize in a new way what is yet to come.

This change is somewhat expected but at the same time still slightly unnerving. I have said many time I am ready....but am I?

Shaking it up with love

So, the journey continues and I decided to take a leave of absence from my teaching job. I will begin a new adventure in my life by relocating to LA. It will be sweet and I am so excited. I will be joined on ths journey by a very sweet man from Ecuador. Carlos currently lives in LA. It is all so exciting.