where is the man

Where is the man

who lovingly made a plan

drew a map

took that snapshot

pulled me into the waves

and into his embrace

Where is the man

who calls Bella

and sings

trisha don’t worry

Where is the man

who professes a pure love

when I need him most?

Where is the man

that asked for my return

and held my hand

on a sunny day

as the radio

played a familiar song

Where is the man

who asks

reside in this moment

then again and again

turns away at the moment

the request is met

I ask an empty space

when will you stay

in this present moment with me?

Life is a celebration; one just never knows...

It is the time of year that leads to reflection. As the year closes one sits in quiet reflection...coming and goings...what filled this year? Many many things filled this year...It seems strange but I actually feel like I started the year as a young girl and emerged as a woman. Finally. I emerged from my cocoon ready to fly.

In all the trials and tribulations of this year I learned that life is a celebration. I learned to say I love you without fear, to speak with clarity and compassion, and to be gentle to myself. I learned to rest in the moment and love everything I do...even if it is hard or scary.

I close this year thinking I never thought my life would be the way it is but it seems so perfect. I close this year grateful that each new day brings the next adventure and I am walking towards each new day with my arms wide open.

Mariana came a pirouetting today...

as I sat in the warm glow of morning meditation...

she came in a glorious blur of light

eyes of blue with soft curls too

turning, laughing, and turning...

the laughter bounced upon the walls and fell around me

and bruised by mind...

she pirouetted right there in that sacred space

dancing and laughing a bundle of joy and innocence

pirouetting Mariana pirouette

in a whisper came a deafening sound

a thought well known...I didn't ask to be here.

what is best sweet Mariana...what is best for I know not

you sweet divine being...tell me.

turning.. a dashing grin...disappearing

and I wondered

¿cómo he llegado hasta aquí

Sadness in the Silence

Sadness isn't a place that I visit much anymore but when I do it is as uncomfortable as it ever was. I am ever perplexed by the silence I find in this world. Being a communicator by nature and valuing each human being as a drop of the divine, I struggle when those near and dear to me use silence as a means of communication. It is quite destructive...slowly eroding faith and trust.

It is so strange because open communication often shines light on those ways in which our minds can deceive and manipulate us. Communication frees us from our fears created in our smallest minds and opens our eyes to the infinite possibilities available.

Being on the receiving end of silence always makes me feel like I am being punished. There is nothing I find more confining and frustrating then the pain it evokes. No matter how I try I can not shake it and always forget...it really isn't about me.

I have yet to find the answer...but what exactly does this silence mean and why does it have such a hold over me?

A delicate balance....

Today I had a lovely opportunity to watch my mind and all its delicious ways it likes to MESS with me. I had to pull out all the stops. I set about to make my space beautiful and shinny clean and FINALLY put away all the clothes I washed before I went to Tahoe this weekend.

I can't just clean one part of the house and move on. I have to clean the whole house at once and everything looks like a disaster for a good five hours. A friend once said, "you must have ADD". You see I work in one area...like the kitchen and I can focus for about 20 minutes and then my mind starts up. what if...

So I start my mantra and move to another room...like the bathroom. I sweep the floor, hand wash the edges of the room and then around the toilet and then my minds starts up. what if...

So I start my mantra and move to bedroom to fold and hang the laundry. First I have to organize it and then I can work more efficiently to hang everything up. Yoga pants, tops, skirts, shorts, socks, etc... and then my mind starts up. what if...

Then when I look around and realize there is nothing left to do and I smile and then laugh at myself and the journey I took inward while outwardly taking care of my living quarters.

A text comes in...i have been thinking...

I left the house and walked to get away from my mind...to get away from all the thoughts that were slowly encroaching on my freedom. I have decided life is a delicate balance and it is all out of my hands.

All the while as I watched this whole thing unfold, I know I am still happy and I am still present but it seems today was a little cloudy on the inside and I had to work to stay mySelf...it didn't come easy.

I really had to laugh at the battle I created within today; I am still laughing. Especially in realizing I misunderstood said text.

The beauty of modern technology and the distortion of the mind...not a good combo.

My heart is full...brimming with love.

A trip to the mountains and a chance to sit on the shores of the Lake that I so love as well as watching a sunset from the top of Heavenly...it charged my battery...so to speak.

I am constantly amazed by life right now. Every where I turn there is sooo much beauty. I was with a friend in my studio today and he pointed out the lovely view of the parking lot and I laughed because I never notice it...

Then I said here lay down on the floor and all you will see is beautiful sky and green trees. Then during class as my clients were settling in for final Shavasana I looked up and noticed the sun was setting and creating an alpen glow effect...I feel so blessed. Soo much beauty.

I am not quite sure what will happen from day to day but what I do know is I will be okay. This has created some sweet moments in the past week for which I am grateful. (thank you)

Today was hard...

Who will pay by all these budget cuts in our schools--yes the children. It was a day full of sorrow--I was on the edge of tears all day. Something in me really shifted when I saw Annette--our every on it librarian--start to cry.

It doesn't help that it is the end of the term...the kids and the teachers have spring fever. After a day like this, there is nothing I want more than to hear I matter...to be held tight and told everything will be alright...