Living la vida loca in LA

With C in Ecuador for Daniela’s (his sister) wedding, I have time to sit and reflect about my move to LA. I have to say life is rather simple here in this supposedly “crazy” city. I still do my same old things. Shop for organic food, hang out in coffee houses, and do yoga. I even have a few clients already. It is sweet and simple and I like it. I am grateful to have this time and to not be teaching high school. I know this sounds strange but I am worn out by the public education system and would prefer to spend my energies elsewhere. Interestingly, Master Yoga has recently launched a new training track: TTT-Teacher Training Track. I will start this training at some point next year amidst taking Meditation Teacher Training and Vichara Training—yoga’s tool for working with the mind.

It seems my choice is made and I am ready to move on. It was a huge choice made easy by the hours of solitude I have had since coming here. I have definitely changed my perspective on life and have found somethings about myself that are very different. I think it is good to check in with oneself often. It is amazing to see what is new and different; or what is still the same just clearer without the accumulated gunk of living an incongruent life.

Do I miss anything or anyone? Yes and no. I miss sweet Devin which should be a surprise to no one. It is sometimes hard to know Gram will pass soon. Overall, I don’t miss much as I know that those of you who are friends will remain so regardless where I live. I have been here a week and already two very dear friends came to visit.

Life with C is sweet and a gift from God. He treats me like a queen even saying, “how is my queen?” We spend the evenings watching the sunset from our living room and eating a home cooked meal. He plays his video games and soon once we are completely settled I will get to use my side of the office to create and sew. I am sooo excited. Funny, we used the smallest room in the house for our bedroom and the big room in the back is our office.

Safe, even this word has changed for me. I live minutes from downtown LA in a neighborhood where two cultures meet…very fitting as C and I come from different cultures. We live in what has been called Korea Town and more recently deemed the Latino Byzantine Quarter. We live on a street full of Mexican and Latin families. Even now as the sun sets children are outside playing hide and seek. Safe is a state of mind not so much a place. I half way wonder if this is just preparation for travelling to Ecuador and India. Yes, I do see bums just like in Sacramento. I even saw a very drunk and incoherent man trying to pee on the side of the road the other day. It was quite a strange experience.

The Smog you wonder, well it doesn’t seem that bad actually I feel better about the air I breathe here than in Sacramento. At night the winds comes up and blows away the nasty air. Yep, the fog is here in the morning but I enjoy fog.

So what about my yoga studio. Well, funny one should ask. Just this morning I spent time in the downtown area of Santa Monica where the locals hang out. It is very cute and quaint and I hope to find a space there for my studio. Just last night while we were out for dinner C asked me what the studio needed. Today I realized what the studio needs is for me to put one foot in front of the other. Interestingly enough while hanging out in Santa Monica, Howie—one of my new clients—sauntered in to the coffee house I was hanging out in. I walked with him around the block and we talked about opening the studio. He works with people in the business world getting around their blocks. He pointed out to me what I already know. Go with the flow of Grace, put forth effort, and do your homework.

I asked him, “Howie, how do I feel comfortable going in debt to do this?”
“How did you pack up your whole life and move to LA?” he asked me as he put one foot in front of the other while pointing down to his feet then looked me straight in the eyes and got really close and said, “but you already know all this, you already know all this.”

Wow, and hot damn. I was still smiling a block away. So yes I am where I am suppose to be doing what I am suppose to be doing and damn it feels good.

The Cycle of Life

There is nothing like watching your beloved Grandmother cry like a child. Then you know you are now the adult and it is seriously time to grow up but don't get too serious. I sat in the hospital with my Gram this week while she was sedated and watched her attempt to curl up into the fetal position while she processed some long forgotten memory. As she wrestled with her consiousness I began to chant the Mahamrityunjaya Mantra in my head. After a few rounds she settled in and started to sleep more peacefully. It was an impulse I didn't even think about doing and was halfway thorough the mantra the first time before I realized what I was doing.

The next day I went back to see and she was coherent but still not the Gram I know and love. In her place I found a feeble woman. Feeble is not a word I would ever use to describe my very tall and regal grandmother. Even her feet appeared small as I slipped on booties to keep her warm. Three times in one half hour we had to tell her she was getting an MRI and that she was in Santa Rosa at Kaiser. As they prepared her to leave for the MRI her demeanor changed to that of a scared baby and I really wondered what would come next. I told her my dad would meet her when she came out in attempt to console her. No Luck, it made it worse. She wimpered and said, "I don't want anyone to bother". Oh my, even now I am overcome with emotions. I now see my grandmother very differently and recognize in a new way what is yet to come.

This change is somewhat expected but at the same time still slightly unnerving. I have said many time I am ready....but am I?