There is nothing like watching your beloved Grandmother cry like a child. Then you know you are now the adult and it is seriously time to grow up but don't get too serious. I sat in the hospital with my Gram this week while she was sedated and watched her attempt to curl up into the fetal position while she processed some long forgotten memory. As she wrestled with her consiousness I began to chant the Mahamrityunjaya Mantra in my head. After a few rounds she settled in and started to sleep more peacefully. It was an impulse I didn't even think about doing and was halfway thorough the mantra the first time before I realized what I was doing.
The next day I went back to see and she was coherent but still not the Gram I know and love. In her place I found a feeble woman. Feeble is not a word I would ever use to describe my very tall and regal grandmother. Even her feet appeared small as I slipped on booties to keep her warm. Three times in one half hour we had to tell her she was getting an MRI and that she was in Santa Rosa at Kaiser. As they prepared her to leave for the MRI her demeanor changed to that of a scared baby and I really wondered what would come next. I told her my dad would meet her when she came out in attempt to console her. No Luck, it made it worse. She wimpered and said, "I don't want anyone to bother". Oh my, even now I am overcome with emotions. I now see my grandmother very differently and recognize in a new way what is yet to come.
This change is somewhat expected but at the same time still slightly unnerving. I have said many time I am ready....but am I?
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