Accepting Support....

As a grown woman...I am not good at accepting support from others. I always feel like I need to take care of everything myself. Well since moving to Los Angeles I have learned in some ways to accept support...and in others I still have a long way to go.

This morning I was blessed with a phone call from a dear friend. His name is Charlie. He was my first administrator when I got my first high school teaching job. I spent many times in his office working through the ups and downs of a first year teacher. When I left to be on the opening staff of a charter school...Charlie told me he wanted to continue mentoring me and help me with my new role as wife and my role as advisor. So we met weekly, and he taught me this great tool called Re-Evaluation Counseling or RC for short. And for the past six years I have enjoyed the support Charlie and RC offers...thank you.

So back to this morning...he called and we did a phone session. The tears came, I laughed, and got to the point I needed to get to. Then the best part the "out questions". The are designed to pull you out of the muck to remind you that in this moment nothing bad is happening.

So Trisha, What are the three oldest things in your refrigerator?
"Oh, goodness, the baking soda, three apples from when we first moved in, and the tablespoon off heavy whipping cream I don't want to throw away." His response, "perfect"

"How much snow will fall in Lake Tahoe this week." I said, "Seven Feet!" His response, "Exactly, and we so need it."

"Who will win the Tour de Sacramento this weekend." "Jeez, Charlie I have no idea, Jo Smoe."

His response, "Exactly!"

The best part of the those out questions is the fun we have connecting over the silliest of things...I found my breath slowed and my chest felt less constricted than it had all week and I was grateful for his support and even more grateful that I am getting better at reaching out and asking for help. Which reminds me I need to send a few emails...

I hope you find the support when you most need it and even more so hope I can offer you support along the way. Isn't that why we are all here anyway to learn to work together?

Love this little man...

Last night I called my sister. Hello sister, is our customary way of greeting one another. In response I hear the joyful glee of my sweet nephew, "Its Tia, mommy its my Tia." I said sweet one you are my favorite except for Carlos...gotta cover my bases.

My sister takes me off speaker phone but I can still hear my nephew in the background..."I am Tia's favorite"

My sister tells me that earlier that day after getting dressed he said to her, "I am grown up now can I drive mom?" He will be three in April...wow. We both laughed and share what sisters share. The beauty and the pain of this world and all the while that little rambucious guy exclaiming in the background, "I am Tia's favorite."

What a blessing...

I am angry today...not very yogic I know....

About two weeks ago, I watched my sweet partner as he articulated his goals for the year. It was a surprisingly easy and comfortable conversation. I wonder what had I done to get it right this time. Nonchalantly I asked, "when will you travel overseas for work?"

"Not for awhile, a lot of the projects are on hold because of the economy." I heard every alarm go off in my head but in that moment I reminded myself that we were fine. We needn't worry. I said a little prayer to protect our little family and continued to listen with glee the plans Carlos was making for his career and coping with living so far from his family and friends. He never ceases to amaze me with the wisdom way beyond his years.

This past Tuesday, I was finishing my Ujjayi Breathing Practice, when the phone sang the alluring tango that signifies Mi Amor, sweet C is calling. I pick up and hear something in his voice I can't quite place. "Babe, do you have any classes today? any clients?" I replied, still perplexed and unable to place what my was not being communicated with words, "No, not today sweet one." He then said, "okay babe I will meet you at home soon."

I slowly made my way down to the kitchen to start dinner and as I came out of the blissful cloud of the Ujjayi I really registered that something was not right. So I called him back and fought my desire to vomit. "My company laid off 25 people and I was one off them. I am going to Bill's I will be home later."

Oh, God. I have been on a roller coaster ride since. In four days I feel like I have lived a decade. I vacillate between feeling totally excited about all this can mean for both of us together and independently and completely pissed off.

Today, I am angry. I am terrified and unsure of what my life will look like in one month. I had to call our landlord yesterday and tell him the news. What a place to stand. Luckily, I have a cushion in the bank but that money was earmarked for my yoga business.

It is back to the drawing board. I keep telling myself anything is possible but today I am angry. I don't feel passionate or anything creative. I am just pissed. Pissed off at this crazy world that lives in fear and can't pull itself together.

Is this the sum of our days...we as a society are so driven to consumption and personal gain we can no longer see what is truly important? Do these companies really need to be laying people off? Are they projecting loss and trying to cover this loses by buckling down now? Why can't anyone see that we all just need to finacially absorb a little piece of this crisises and it will pass. I asked myself today, were those companies happy when they were making money hand over fist the past ten years and now frigthened by the slowing of thier profits that they have become accustomed to they act in fear. One decisions causes a ripple affect. I can't even say that this rant doesn't have some ill effect but I need to get it off my chest before I suffocate myself.

Tomorrow is a new day, I pray that I can come through to the other side, great my sweet clients and teach a class that will take each of them to the place the need to be and along the way find a little peace myself. Maybe even tonight when I sit down to meditate may I find peace and recapture my Self but today in this moment I am just pissed.

Anything is possible.

I awoke today with an overwhelming sense of gratefulness. I was smiling and dancing in the shower. I couldn't believe how differently my mood was today versus say the last week. As a small business owner I am constantly chosing to stay in the postive mode inspite of all I hear in the media. Well, the over looming financial crisis entered my personal life in a new way yesterday evening at the dinner table. I asked my sweet partner Carlos when he would be travelling overseas for work and he said the projects are being pushed back due to the economy.

That was my first thought this morning and I decided to chose that anything is possible instead of worry what may happen down the road. Today is a marketing day. I am out in the cities of Silver Lake and Echo Park to leave flyers and hopefully make connections. As I was driving down the road on a extremely beautiful day. I noticed anew a familiar site. On the corners one can often see men selling whole coconuts with straws...coconut milk...yum, mango slices, water, or flowers.

I thought to myself. This is what I love about LA. Anything is possible. Who knew the sun would shine so brightly today. Those men on the corner smile each day as if the whole world is just perfect. This was a shift for me as before when I drive down the road and see these men on the corners I felt saddness...why? Good question. But this time it was different. Anything is possible, Saturday I can have 10 to 20 clients at my workshop and make a connection that will support both Mary Jo--my business partner and ayurvedic practioner or for Judy Fuller another Svaroopa® Yoga teacher or even a connection for myself...anything is possible and as long as I choose the positive the sun will shine brightly and I will smile everyday like the men on the corner knowing that everything is perfect.