Humbled...

Where does one begin when one is quite confounded...maybe one should check in with their ego and have a chat or two.

I found myself recently back in an unexpected place with an unexpected person who not only delights me but also confounds me. I watched as each moment unfolded...stunned once again by the beauty of this sweet soul that I believe I love more than any other.

Then as with some love stories it was like a screech of the record when flow stopped and reality set in. I found myself lost in myself...lost in the most intense emotions...I felt like I was in a ocean and I was barely keeping my head above water. Each day, as I laid down to recoup, I would celebrate making it through another day.

Then came the storm which drove me as far away from Self as it could and then back. Then I saw it...my ego...the desire at the root. One of my good friends said...ah you are clearing a desire; those are the most painful.

I was shocked to see what I saw. First some strange tale I tell myself about not being good enough. (I thought I was done with that) Second, as a result of my desire, my ego was busy manipulating away...manipulating me...trying to manipulate others. Not such a pretty sight to see.

I was quite disgusted with myself...which is giving way to a more gentle acceptance and forgiveness. I pray for grace. It is definitely humbling to see the ego at work and the ways in which it still controls me even after all the travelling I have done...cheers to progression. Waiting for the brick wall to soften and to truly stand in the bliss of my true self.