Pre-Birthday Musing

It is the day before my 37 birthday...how do I feel? Strangely I feel much the same as I did when I was younger with a few changes. My feelings still get hurt easily and sometimes I am too quick when responding....I do think things through more slowly and with less panic, fear, and emotions...yet I am still the same.

I remember telling someone recently about the progression of my yoga training and how each time I returned I had a new experience of mySelf. (In yoga the Self is the part of you who recognizes it is one with the divine where as the the small self is the ego and desire driven part of you that does not recognize its divinity and can be somewhat delusional).

Level 1: I returned thinking I had no idea who I was and wondered how I was suppose to start a new job at a BIG high school the next day...this feeling lingered for some time. In some ways I felt like there was ALOT about me that needed to change and I better get working on it.

Level 2: I returned assured I knew more about teaching yoga and so much less about my Self. I had a strange year of trying to figure out who I really was and still felt this impulse to 'be perfect'.

Level 3: I returned with a strong sense of feeling very grounded in my body. I felt solid in my ability to communicate and teach yoga. I felt well equip to say NO! I started to see that I was just fine the way I was.

Level 4: I returned home incredibly in love with my s/Selves both the small sense of myself that is limited and desire driven as well as my big Self who is constantly connected to the divine essence of this universe....It was an amazing time. I was utterly in love. I realized I didn't need to change anything about myself and that I would best serve myself by accepting the imperfections of my body and mind and get down to doing the work (dharma) of this lifetime.

So, I do feel different, yes wiser and more slow in how I respond to others and I feel more aware of the whole but I am still Trisha...and I do utterly love my S/selves...when I really think about it.

Happy Birthday to me.