This week was one of much turmoil. I feel more calm on the inside so when the outside world gets turbulent I get nervous and revert back to some of my less than favorite coping mechanisms. Then I have to laugh at myself.
I really don't get how to deal with the dysfunction I see in public schools. I just want to teach...but then again is that my dharma? I made a simple comment at a meeting that ignited a chain of evens that had me seriously contemplating walking away from teaching. (Yes, the Pitta was up and I was not able to stay as we say in my toes).
I took the whole situation way to personally. I felt so attacked and mis-understood and like the odd man out. Too many old patterns that have never served. I went to sleep on Friday night and through out the night mantra-like I saw a succession of images in my dream that clearly told me: you are the igniter Parvati don't take this personally. You must stand firm, even in the fire, even when you feel scared. Don't run...but sit in it. It will pass. When I awoke I remember back to the day I was given the name Parvati...Nirmalanda did say you know she is the igniter...I get it better now then I did then.
Then I felt a intense push to just be me and stop apologizing for the beautiful person I am or trying to stay small so not to offend.
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