My journey to and back from LA offered so many opportunities to look at my Self, my life circumstance, and allowed me to rest in a place that I never fathomed existed.
I moved to LA full of hope and love...love for life...my teacher Amma...Carlitos...and being alive. I was hopeful of sharing Svaroopa Yoga with LA and deciding if I would ever re-enter the high school classroom. I did not know what my future held...I like to say I had no expectations but I did and I never thought it would end or begin again the way it did.
The last week in LA, I was out grocery shopping--a normal part of my routine--however it was the last time I would shop for my sweet little household. It started to dawn on me that Carlos and I were going separate ways and my inner state surprised me to say the least.
I was full of love; I remember looking at the clouds illuminated by the sunlight and I asked myself where is all this love coming from...who are you in love with? The resounding answer...I am in love with this life...with myself...with Shiva. (enter preferred deities name here)
As I packed and continue to prepare meals and do laundry that last week I was adsorbed in love. Mind you while facing the possibility of the dreaded word--cancer. At the time, I thought thank you Amma for taking care of me in this time of great need.
But, it never stopped...granted I still have moments of saddness, or frustration, or anger but my predominate state is pure bliss...a love so delightful that it sustains me through every task I undertake.
My perspective on things and my attachments to people and things have certainly changed. I still get upset but I always arrive at the same end spot...that person, that situation is so worthy of love and compassion. I cling less and count on others outside of myself less. I also have deeper connections to those who are close to me. There is an ease to my days and in my relationships.
There have been some unforeseen explosions in my life and although saddened by them I trust that I am no longer the driver of my course. I have learned that in each thing there is a time frame and when the time comes the time comes. Each time I have felt anxiety over a door closing I look to find new paths untravelled that didn't seem to be there before. This whole process has taught me to listen and to be present and know that always always I will always have Shiva...always have the Self...always have all the love I could ever want right here within the tiny frame--my vehicle for this lifetime.
So, here I am back in Sacramento, back in the High School Classroom, back to health and wellness, very different but more the same and ever absorbed in love...that my friend is the sweetest nectar. Yet, I am still human and that is even sweeter yet.
In Peace and utterly in love, Parvati
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